WHERE THE HELL HAVE WE BEEN?!??

Well...we've been kinda busy these past couple of months...

Our plans to visit Jupiter's moons were put on hold while we fought off the midnight invasion of the Canadian Vampire Coalition...the 6-hour kung-fu battle with their shock troops was largely ignored by the media, distracted as they were by the inauguration of the nation's first Android-American President, Barack-Obamabot...

Christina accepted a position as Dutchess of MILFness in Belgium, but was quickly ousted after her very first decree was to institute a mandatory Baked Goods of Doom cooking class in every high school...she has retired to the French countryside where the people are much more accepting of the idea of Death by Cranberry Scone...


Spike taught himself the ancient secrets of Jewish Mysticism...created a golem out of Legos in the form of his older brother...and has spent the winter hunting down and terrorizing the lost clans of Vikings in the snowy mountains of Norway...nobody really knows why...it's just what Spike does...



Boris joined the Peace Corps...they sent him to a suburban kitchen in Northern Virginia to show the local people how to care for themselves by washing their dishes, taking out their garbage and making six different kinds of pancakes...besides the daily threat of head-hunting tribes-people emerging from the nearby jungles, he is enjoying himself immensely...


Royal decided to walk the Appalachian Trail alone, performing acts of heroism and selflessness...during his weeklong trek (a world record for completing the Trail) - he saved three campers from bears, discovered an abandoned flying saucer (with the words "The Truth Is Out There" spray-painted on its side) and caught Bigfoot (but then decided to let him go)...


Hella wrote a Pulitzer-nominated treatise on solving the Human-Moleman Dilemma, basically recommending that the Mole-people be given full rights as a sovereign nation in exchange for divulging the secrets of their magma-powered clean-energy generators...she is working on a follow-up, after her universally praised diplomatic mission to the Mole-people's underground city, reversing her earlier ideas and advocating a policy of, "Let's just nuke the squinty little bastards!"


Rik has spent the last couple of months posting to Twitter and playing XBox...